Berry Crumble Cake

Berry crumble cake is an easy yet delicious treat. With just a handful of ingredients and a short baking time, it’s the perfect choice when you need something quick without compromising on the taste of homemade cake.

Skip to recipe

Sweet berries between layers of delicious, buttery crumb mixture, infused with tangy lemon in both the berries and the crumbs, make this cake irresistible and will turn any hobby baker into the star of the kitchen.

Disclaimer: This is not for the weak-hearted. If you're sensitive to violence and blood, please skip this section: skip.

It was pleasant to get it off my chest after so many years. Being able to discuss this brought me so much joy.

The only thing that upsets me is them calling me a monster and constant questions of “ as a woman, how could you physically overpower them?”, as if I were weak. They never asked the interesting questions of “How did I do it…” or “How did it feel to kill…?”

But now that I finally have a chance to tell my story, while enjoying my last days on this damned earth, I want to tell my story… How I did it… It all..

I guess the start of my life can be seen as the cause of it all… Going into the details is not important.. As I grew up, like most women, with abusive parents and surrounded by perverts…

But when I became old enough, old enough to move away, to travel, that's when I found my talent, my passion. And perfecting my newfound hobby was not hard, as finding practice dummies was not hard. Living in a country where the police were useless and barely any cities had surveillance did help. Especially when there is nothing in between cities. 

At the start, I found them while hitchhiking. So many men would stop to “give me a ride”, but would end up stopping on a dark gravel road to “have some fun”. But what they did not expect, the “fun” was mine…

Oh, how I enjoyed seeing the look on their faces go from sinister satisfaction to utter fear when they felt paralysis taking over their body. A little trick of mine - as they leaned in to touch or kiss me, I would tab them with a needle glazed in aconitine. They lost control in minutes… But not consciousness… as I had my “fun”, they would be conscious, seeing, hearing everything I did to them until life faded from their eyes… And, ohh, how I loved to take my time.

I could go out every night, and on every night, there would be someone who would want to take advantage of me. And as I got better at my “hobby”,  I became bolder. I started to move around, first different states, then from one country to another. By the end, there were countless men in so many countries…

I believe that's the reason it took them so long to find me, as they did not expect a woman, nor did they suspect a connection between all of the countries. But now that I am booked for my death penalty, I am happy to share my story…

And now when they ask me, “How could I do something like this..?”

I answer “They invited me in their cars…They were basically asking for it…”

No matter if you’re a hobby baker or a bold, proud pastry chef, this delicious crumble cake will definitely leave a lasting impression on your guests - sending them into a flavour coma that paralyses their senses and keeps them coming back for more.

Ingredients

• 200 g sugar

• 350 g flour

• 1 tsp baking powder

• a pinch of salt

• 220 g butter

• 300 g berries (I used 100 g of blackberries, blueberries and strawberries each)

• 1 lemon (zest and juice; make sure to use an organic one)

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 180 °C.

2. In a bowl, mix the sugar, flour, baking powder, salt, and lemon zest.

3. Add the butter and rub it in with your fingers until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs (not a smooth dough)

4. Wash the berries, cut them into smaller pieces if necessary, and toss with the lemon juice.

5. Press about ¾ of the crumb mixture firmly into the bottom of a greased cake tin

6. Spread the berries evenly on top.

7. Sprinkle the remaining ¼ of the crumb mixture over the berries.

8. Bake for 35–40 minutes, until golden brown.

9. Let cool before serving. Delicious with a scoop of ice cream (lemon sorbet is especially nice).

Enjoy!